They Call Me Mello Meno

I'm still stuck with my bloody periods. Excuse the pun. It genuinely wasn't intentional and contrived but when I read it back now it's a bit bloody clever isn't it? Oops, did it again.

Anyhow I digress.

I've been blessed with not sharing in the same painful PMT sufferance as others. My menstrual existence to date has been a smug one. Until now. 

To you, The Pausers out there who've finally been able to divorce yourselves from Menstrual Cycle you can now stand back and be like Smug In Ya Face! Because this Pauser just got like serious PMT vibes goin' on.

And here's the grrrr irritating thing about the Menstrual Beast. It might not go on for as long as it used to but then it might even show no signs of stopping; it might decide to arrive a week early or swagger in 10 days late. It's about as unreliable as British Rail (don't get me started on that one) but one things for certain. He's a right bastard when he arrives. 

Note Menstrual Beast has now become 'he'. Interesting. 

When Menstrual Beast moves in I will want to slay everyone in my path especially my husband; I consider having my children adopted and booking myself onto a one way ticket to anywhere-but-here; I'll cry because the dog looked at me in a patronising way and rage because the toast took longer to burn than normal. 

Menstrual Beast has made me irrational, paranoid, a blubbering wreck and a bitch to live with.

Thank god for chocolate and red wine. Rich in tannins, calcium enriched milk and omega somethings, they're The Pausers go-to nutritional duo. 

The very clever people at Cadburys have clearly got a thoughtful woman in their product development team. Mello's for Meno's. I like.  Oh the irony of it all.

For the record. I'm writing this with my petrol station sunglasses on, Celine Dion is gargling away with another verse of melancholy and well the Mello's are working a treat.

Cheeky bye Pausers!

Lydia x